February 2010
1 post
January 2010
109 posts
I don't look like any celebrities.
morninggloria:
But I remind people of wayward, flawed, or obnoxious brunettes. Someone once told them that I remind them of Lindsay Lohan. A coworker told me that I remind him of Marissa Tomei’s character from The Wrestler (must be all that freelance stripping I’ve been doing at work). I remind someone else of Anne Hathaway… from Rachel Getting Married. Someone else thinks that I’m a dead...
i wish i had a hype man
morninggloria:
Someone to enter rooms before me, bouncing around and motioning for everyone to get on their feet. “YO YO YO! STAND UP! GET UP ON YOUR FEET! ANNOUNCING! THE WORLD CHAMPION! THE ILLEST!” And then I’d come onstage wearing, I don’t know, boxers’ robes with the hood up and “THE BADDEST” bedazzled on the back, and there would be dramatic explosions and a really loud sound...
how's the weather there? is it cold in chicago?
morninggloria:
greengrey:
morninggloria:
… and the next thing you’re going to do is tell me about how fucking warm it is in Florida. Oh, isn’t that a delightful thing, to be able to call someone in Chicago who is not your friend who is working while you are splayed like a beached octopus beside the pool in fucking Boca Raton. Do you know that mean’s “Rat’s Mouth”? Well, it does. I wish...
2 tags
people who do the hiring at the man's job are...
so the man applied for a full time job a his place of part-time employment (where it’s notoriously hard to get a full time position)
he found out today that he did not get the job
I’m off to take him out for dinner to cheer his broke ass up
rink
morninggloria:
My elementary school would always pay someone to prepare and maintain an ice rink during the winter. Before recess, we’d all sit on the floor on the hallways leading outside lacing up our skates and chattering and wrapping ourselves in scarves and putting on those mittens on strings. We’d have races, we’d learn spins, and the bad kids would clothesline the nerds. Winter recess...
bluebears:
lenorebeadsman:
A week from tonight morninggloria and I are planning a romantic date to a school function so we can score some free food and drinks. All good so far. BUT WAIT! I just got an email. This party has a theme. It’s a MAsquerade ball. Get it? Because we’re MAster’s students getting our M.A.s. We are encouraged to come in costume.
Body of Christ.
I demand pictures of...
tea < coffee
I love tea, but I wants my coffee in the morning, at least one cup. Alas since the demise of the coffee straw yesterday I will not have any until late next week at the earliest. Damn you shipping time!!
Sweet Coconut Chai Tea is super yummy, but it is not Double Chocolate Brownie Coffee.
I miss coffee
sad panda
I hate when people have a problem with high heels...
greengrey:
They say it’s “dangerous” because you wouldn’t be able to get away in a bad situation.
First of all, where the FUCK do they live that they need to drop shit and run at a moments notice?
Secondly, I guess I should get all judgey about people who are bad runners/slow runners because OMG THAT’S SOOOOO DANGEROUS.
And finally, I can run in heels. Just because they suck doesn’t mean I do...
i've never been downhill skiing
morninggloria:
My parents would never let me go on field trips to Wild Mountain or Trollhaugen, the only nearby ski hills. They’d disdainfully sneer that skiing is for “prep school types,” which is funny, because I don’t think that either of them really knew any “prep school types.” My dad grew up in Frederic and my mom 45 minutes away, in Shell Lake. They both went to University of Wisconsin...
the coffee straw broke!!!!
I just ordered a new one, $15 flippin dollars and it won’t even be here for 4 to 10 business days. I’m Sad Panda right now, but I have a feeling I’ll be moving on to Crabby Bunny if I can’t have coffee at work until late next week … beware
i use a shitload of garlic when i cook
morninggloria:
Mostly because I hate vampires, making out, and making out with vampires.
I’m resigned to the fact that my hands will always smell a little like garlic.
I have a friend that works at a local hotel; he tells me stories about the weird people he has to deal with there. The other day a woman checked in that reeked of garlic, he said it was staggering, like she’d bathed in...
Good morning Bishes!
swimming
going swimming at a hotel tonight with the man and some friends, hot tub here I come!!!
cows
I’ve been informed that my friend cannot name a cow that they’re going to register “Dairy Queen” since it’s a brand and a company name and blah blah blah
As a substitute I asked her to name the calf that “Daisy” is expecting “MorningGloria”, apparently they already have a “Gloria” so the calf will just be...
I'm chewing my 4th piece of gum today
wtf is wrong with me?
morninggloria:
I’m going to try to convince Goggles to watch The Bachelor with me tonight and liveblog his horror.
I have a feeling that I will have to give him a blow job in order to convince him to do this.
Am I a prostitute?
yes, but a cheap one and that’s why I love you - but this is coming from the Laugh Slut so what do I know
censored
well I guess I got used to editing myself while hanging out with adorable 3 year old niece this weekend, I just said “What the F?” out loud to my computer. Just that “F”, I’m now giggling at myself because that’s crazypants.
Nope, you can't afford tickets to that concert. →
morninggloria:
Thanks to a merger between Ticketmaster and Live Nation, you’ll never afford any tickets ever again.
Who wants to form a jug band?
I will play thrash tambourine in your jug band, but only if our music consists of covers of Muppet songs, because that’s how I roll
morninggloria:
Goggles has been out of work for almost a year. He took the CFA level one exam in December and will find out the results of that exam on Wednesday.
I’m fucking nervous as balls, you guys.
If he passed, this means that a lot of job prospects will open up for him. It means that he would have a legit shot at an entry level analyst job at a hedge fund or mutual fund company, which...
another odd conversation with a 3 year old
Leila: come play puzzles Auntie Em
me: sure babe just a sec, Auntie Em needs to use the potty
Leila: I’ll go with you
me: Um no hun, Auntie Em likes privacy
Leila: *gasp* but won’t you get lonely?!?!!?
a conversation with a 3 year old
me: Hey beautiful, I’m going to a special store on friday (IKEA!!) and I’m gonna get you a surprise there.
Leila: My Dora cup is broked, you need to bring me a new Dora cup
me: Well I don’t think they have Dora cups there, but I promise I’ll get you a neat surprise.
Leila: I don’t want a surprise, you should get me a not broked Dora cup
me: I don’t know...
Quotes from a 3 year old
“Auntie Em? You’re the best Auntie Em I know”
“You’re just precious”
“Cruella Cruella Cruella, the fabric of our lives, Cruella Cruella”
“I don wanna play this anymore, it’s embarassing”
“My friend Mommy likes purple, my friend Daddy likes blue”
I'm outta here!!!!
Off to Turtle Lake for the weekend to see my bestest and my goddaughter!!
ikea
I’m going to ikea in a week, I’m grossly excited. I want lamps with crazyass names!!! I don’t even know what else!! YAY IKEA!!!
F**ck Her Gently never ceases to make me laugh
oh Jack Black, when you’re funny, you’re soooo funny. Also a friend of mine covers that song, hilarious
tunes
it’s a Lady Antebellum & Sugarland kinda day, just sayin
also I’m about to have my second big cup of coffee, jitters here I come!!!!
Are business cards a good idea?
kathrynwithay:
I don’t have them through where I work (I interact with my computer all day, so yeah.) but I’ve been attending events where other people have them…I feel like a jerk when I have to scribble my number on a scrap of paper. Good idea? Waste of $$? Halp!!
go to vistaprint.com and get the free-ish ones
Open Air Festival of the Arts →
I’ve got a booth in this again this year, it’s 2 days this time. I need to buy a better tent thing, it was windy last year and my photos were blowing all over the place
so you're all clever bishes right? help me
My friend built a bar in her basemt, we have a few other friend with basement/garage bars. They have clever names for their bars. (ie. Candice has the "CandyBar", friends who's last name starts with i have the "iBar")
So the new bar belongs to a family with the last name Wolfe. Any witty ideas?
I'm wearing toe socks with monkeys and bananas on...
I almost never wear white socks
"lovemaking"
morninggloria:
faithandbegorrah:
Sure, everyone complains about “panties,” “phlegm,” and “moist,” but nothing - NOTHING - grosses me out quite as much as that ridiculous word.
Lovemaking is something that’s done on a bearskin rug in front of a fire, sensual Kenny G playing in the background and matching couples cable knit sweaters thrown haphazardly aside.
Lovemaking always occurs in the...
reply all abuse
morninggloria:
I arrived at work this morning to this—
It seems that throughout the company, from coast to coast, from Japanese Equity Sales to financial advisory to offshore accounts, a shocking number of financial professionals still do not know the fucking differenence between “REPLY” and “REPLY ALL.”
Now we’re in the phase where angry people are abusing the reply all function to tell...
On the inside, I weep.
Me: What are you reading?
Cousin: "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks. It's, like, okay.
Me: Ooh!! Some of his books are good. What other authors do you like?
Cousin: Uh. This is, like, the first book I've read. Ever.
Me: WHAT?!
~ oh holy crap the world is doomed . . . . this makes me so sad
My head almost exploded. She's 17!!! DAMN! She usually doesn't speak at family gatherings...just texts and sulks. Sighhhh
~ I pretty much can't think of a time I haven't been in the middle of one or more books
On the inside, I weep.
Me: What are you reading?
Cousin: "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks. It's, like, okay.
Me: Ooh!! Some of his books are good. What other authors do you like?
Cousin: Uh. This is, like, the first book I've read. Ever.
Me: WHAT?!
~ oh holy crap the world is doomed . . . . this makes me so sad
